finding umph in catholic cicheness

My recent posts have centered on my journey of reconciling my place within or beyond the Catholic Church—a journey that continues to evolve with insights and new opportunities to claim (and reclaim) my voice.  I pray and hope that my journey of faith and into beingness is helpful on your journeys of wrestling with the sacred.   I went to the baptism of a friend’s daughter today, part of me was happy to welcome this little girl into the holy dysfunction of the church–part of me wanted to get up and scream “run while you still can…or I guess in your case, crawl…I’ll join you.”   It is an ongoing love-hate relationship that some days is easier to embrace, some days you just want to give up–but you don’t because you know that Goddess is working Her magic (while hopefully laughing with you rather than at you).

Below is a sermonette or homilette on what draws me to Catholicism which at the same time are also things that I rebel against and have sought to “reform” (finding ways to honor tradition but new, queer, and relevant ways).   Though my queeries on my place within Catholicism will stop for now as there are other topics I would like to engage (I also need to give myself and others space to simmer and discern with Goddess what’s next).  Where the journey will take me, I am not sure.  Perhaps I will leave the institution altogether;  however, the cicheness of Catholicism will continue to live in me wherever it is I end up.  Though Goddess’ voice can be confusing, I trust that She knows what She is doing in and through all of us—may we all enjoy the ride, bumps, spasms, quirks, joys, and all!!!

As a Catholic, faith is comforted and complicated by a tradition immersed in:

Novenas…rosaries…celebrating the Mass…sacraments, most especially Communion…lectionary cycles…Saints who pray with and for us…Mama Maria…hierarchy and structure…black and white teachings that don’t always make sense…charisms…the Trinity…social justice…preferential options for the vulnerable…diverse religious orders and communities…a world-wide community of believers. 

It is this holy “ciche” that fills my soul, gives me “umph” to keep believing despite trials of doubt, and instills hope in my gut that GOD is with me even when the institution is not.

Praying the rosary with my family…going to confession…arguing and getting frustrated with while also admiring and honoring the hierarchy…knowing that there is always a patron saint to turn to…and being able to attend Mass in any part of the world and feel at home while being enriched by how local communities spice up a familiar ritual–all these things create a practiced, hands-on tradition that nourishes my faith and carves out a space for me to discover and grapple with truth and Truth.

Despite the quirkiness of intersecting faith, tradition, and truth, Catholicism (both what I have been taught and my own unique spin on it) have provided animo in my life to journey from questions to truths (and back again) and has given me faith to embrace and wrestle…butt heads and fall in love with a GOD who truthfully has faith in me.   Amen.

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  1. I know the feeling. I did leave the institution many years ago but that richness of Catholicism still lives in me and, at some level, I am forever Catholic, albeit one also enriched by the wisdom of the Buddha and a host of other enlightened beings that have graced the world. Thanks for the blog!


    • Thanks for the affirmation. I have tried “leaving” but find myself coming back…it’s been a dance of discovering new sides to my faith and the church, embracing redefinitions and enjoying new perspectives. My mother has also come to embrace teachings from Buddhism, it has been very helpful and healing for her. Again thank you…together in la lucha!


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