enjoy the confusion

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enjoy the confusion

I know I am not alone, there are many in my life and many more I don’t know throughout the world who are going through tough times–wrestling with insecurities, grappling with self doubt, dealing with relationship struggles, and my personal favorite the vicious cycle question “what do I do with my life”?!?!?!  It can be draining, confusing, painful, overwhelming, and just plain sucks.  My sister in life, love, and lucha, Jessica, shared with me advice she once received–enjoy the confusion.  It is easier said than done, but at the same time truly wise and transformative.

My grandmotherly pastoral instinct and social worky gumption yearns to find a way to make it all better when someone shares that life is a whirlwind of cold prickylies.  As I look back on the cliches and hugs that I have shared with those in crisis and that I myself have received…I realize that life can be and will be challenging.  Its tough, messy, and screwed up at times; but in the midst of the chaos there is beauty, we find resilience to live and thrive through the chaos.  We defy the odds and adversity by overcoming the daunting task of getting out of bed everyday.  It is in the dark nights of our souls that we encounter a stillness that challenges us to ponder new perspectives, we encounter a quietness that nudges us to embrace and re-embrace the light-filled-oomph inside, we encounter an end to a chapter that reveals a new path possibility to ponder and perhaps venture.

However, I know that when you are in the middle of it all, thoughtful blog posts and facebook memes and well-intended quips don’t speak to our hurt or fully help us feel whole again.  When I have been at my most conflicted and fractured, I have learned and relearned and re-re-learned and learned again that its okay to ask for help, it’s okay to feel all the feelings, its okay to express them rantfully and cathartically as we journey into wholeness (even when taking the tiniest of micro steps).  I have come to realize that we are able to “enjoy the confusion” when are in community.  We may be hit hard, but I hope and pray that we have people around us.  I have my beloved, my family, my quirky rainbow warrior staff, a communion of ancestors on whose witnesses I live on,  friends who not only tolerate me but fully celebrate me in my wholeness and in my brokenness and back into wholeness.

May we have these people in our lives, may we be those people in the lives of others…enjoying the confusion and the resilience it sparks.  ¡Amen, que asi sea! 

featured image from:  http://www.uuworld.org/ideas/articles/279318.shtml

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About delfinwaldemar

i am a native of miami, fl and i am of cuban and salvadoran heritage. i am a social worker and queer theologian who is passionate about engaging the intersections of religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, and justice—specifically around lgbtq issues. i have a master in divinity as well as a master of social work. as an activist scholar of faith, i am interested in creating spaces where individuals and communities are safe and challenged to explore identity, expression, gender, and orientation in their complexities. i enjoy cooking, eating, laughing, writing, photography, eating more, “queerying” theology, and spending time with family and friends--especially my dearly beloved (while also driving him crazy). my approach to life is rooted in la lucha (the struggle)—lifting up our stories and experiences to inspire creative and authentic conversations and actions that thrive outside boxes transgressing dominant narratives. i hope this space will provide folks who feel isolated or disconnected from communities, especially religious one, an opportunity to wrestle and reconnect and re-member and simply be with the sacred. being raised roman catholic, i have felt marginalized and alone because of who i am within my church community--my queerness bars me from being able to pursue ordination and so this blog will be a space for me to share my journey of faith through homilies, pictures, liturgies, rants, queeries...my prayer is that this space become a pulpit and sanctuary, a new way of living into our call to radical holiness juntos...a place where you, me, G-d will caminar juntos y juntas en la lucha. Amen.

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